Hell of a Thursday mayn...

Woke up feeling like a million bucks and figured Id knock out a few errands since my wednesday went so well. I finally got the Evo all smog legal so that is squared away for 2 years. She has a date with FFTEC for a tune session and a diet of E85 if the price is right... E85 is $3.33 a gallon compared to 91 octane at $3.75/85 depending on where Im at. So technically in 1.4 million miles I will have saved alot of pollution with alternative fuel and I will get to work even faster. Someone asked me the other day what the best thing about E85 was and I said its Red Bull for your gas tank basically haha. Anyway so I go to pick up the escape and she hasnt been started in 2 months so I banked on a dead battery, no big deal just jump start it and keep it going. She started like a champ first try and I figured Adi in a tough spot had drained the gas for rent fees of her garage, cuz that puppy was on E. Yeah the same kinda emptu she normally drives on during roadtrips hahaha. So I roll to the gas station filler up and turn the key to roll out. Boy was I in for a long day. Turns over, cranks and just doesnt start. Im like uhhhhhh. Try again and again and again. Shit wtf. I aint mechanical by any means but I figure the tank is soo empty that some air is in the lines maybe and the new gas is making its way to get me rolling. Leave the key turned and wait a few minutes and again nothing. Phone up pops and ask him via cell phone to tell me wtf is wrong with the escape, lord knows at just 240k miles she cant be done running yet. He shows up and diagnoses so quick that he had me convinced he was a mechanic at some point in his life. He says fuel pumps done. Im relieved because I just got done looking at top of the line fuel pumps for my evo and top notch shit is like $100 so Im stoked. I figure an oem pump for an 03 escape has gotta be $22.95 installed with a 239,999 mile warranty. I head up to auto zone struttin in like Im the man and demand the best fuel pump money can buy! The guy says calm down cowboy what size engine? Im thrown off to the point where surely only a punchline can cover my lack of knowledge. I say engine size ummmm its about 2feet wide and a fender distance deep so lets go with uhhh 2'x4' hows that sound? He doesnt think my stand up routine is too funny and lets me know immediately im in luck because the only opne they carry fits all engine sizes that year. Pfffft I showed his a$$ cuz I knew it was all the same fuel pump anyway! I slap my card down before even asking the price and he tries to rope me in with a mag light 2 for the price of 1 deal, and Im like ohhhhhh no buddy just the fuel pump! Here's a $20 bill keep the change! That'll be $232.54 sir cash or debit. WTF? I dont need 6 of the fuel pump you silly goose one will do just fine. It was at this point where I realized I was out of my realm, I was just a boy in a very manly auto parts store... I own zero tools what so ever, and this guy saw right through me! He knew that deep down inside I really did want a mag light and 2 for 1 pricing I would have bought 4! Now before you hear it anywhere else I took it like a man! I pretended my shoelaces were untied when I grabbed my ankles and took it like a champ. I left with a bit smaller of a wallet and a lot less manhood today, but all in all it was worth it. The escape rides again and if it ever decides to break down I hope it does so in the dead of night. I got these 4 mag lights Im just itchin to use! hahaha